Vienna
As many of you know I recently attended my 20 year HS reunion. I shared a little on my feelings and thoughts about that trip on IG but I wanted to write more in depth today. First off I had the best time. So happy I went, since I didn’t make the 10 year. I know this may sound shocking ( lol ) but I kinda have fallen out of touch as many of us do, with my former classmates. Social media has definitely bridged that gap for some friends, but not all. After moving across the country and an ocean away- memories can be fuzzy if you don’t take the time to sit with them for a little bit.
Some of you may not remember but I got up and moved to Honolulu with a one way ticket. I wrote about that journey in depth here. To be honest I feel like I haven’t quite looked back since. Of course I’ve gone to visit but my mom moved out of Tampa, my dad passed away, my sister is in London, my brother is in New Mexico, so in the last 10 years when I do go back to FL it’s never quite in my hometown. My grandparents live in a county up- a short 30 min drive but its definitely not Tampa.
I’ve had some time to sit in my feels if you will, and for the first time since I moved I let myself feel it all. The what if’s, the doubt, the regret, the triumph, the excitement, the gratitude, the cockiness. At first I didn’t know if I liked these feels all at once, but I let myself go there. It’s indescribable really, I guess you gotta know it to feel it. Someone messaged me and described it as very Twilight zone feeling and I felt like that was very spot on.
The reality that my reality could be so different, if I had made a different choice, if I had decided to go back to FL, if I had just decided that Hawaii was too far. If I told myself that jobs weren’t good, or let my own family talk me into moving back to FL after some major past hardships. But I stuck it out and I can’t imagine my life being any different.
The song Vienna came to me after I was looking at photos, videos, and having my time of deep reflection. The second verse has and probably is one of the more famous lines..
“Slow down you’re doing fine
You can’t be everything you want to be before your time
Although it’s so romantic on the borderline tonight”
The obvious meaning behind this line to quite literally slow down and smell the roses and naturally we are all drawn to it. But its the second part of that verse that really hit for me..
Too bad but it's the life you lead
Though you can see when you're wrong
You know you can't always see when you're right
Because that’s just so me. I’m always thinking of what I need, what I want, and hardly realizing everything I already have is everything I’ve always wanted. My first inkling was to think of what my life could have been, instead of realizing just how great it’s become. It’s been a really good reminder of how impactful choices can be and how our ability to pivot in life can make or break any given reality.
The song at its core is about aging, Billy Joel was walking with his dad down the streets of Vienna Austria when he saw an old woman sweeping in the street and said to his dad ‘Dad it’s kind of sad that that poor old woman has to do that kind of work.’ He said, ‘No, she has a job, she feels useful, she has a place in our society,’ Joel recalls,
“I realized they [Europeans] don’t throw old people away like we tend to do here in the States. They allow for people who are aged to have a useful place in the scheme of things, and I thought, ‘ya know that’s a good metaphor for someone my age to consider.’ You don’t have to squeeze your whole life into your 20s and 30s trying to make it, trying to achieve that American dream, getting in the rat race, and killing yourself. You have a whole life to live. I kind of used ‘Vienna’ as a metaphor, there is a reason for being old, a purpose.”
If the purpose is meant to just enjoy the ride, I think I’m doing that pretty nicely. After all there is no graceful or ungraceful way of aging you just do it- and if your really lucky you get to do it for a pretty long while. With family and friends who become family. In the meantime..
Vienna waits for you and me, and it sounds like a pretty nice place to be.